"I tried to end my life several times."

Ever since I was a child, it was clear to me that I was born from my father's extramarital affair. I grew up with his legal family and my half-brothers and sisters, and they never made me feel that I didn't belong.

But whenever I was alone or with my friends, I couldn't help comparing myself to them because they grew up in their own family, unlike me.

It produced fear in me that they might judge me or misunderstand me. Whenever I was alone, insecurity grew inside me, and that's where the conflicts within me began. I wasn't asking myself why I was born; I was asking my father why he did that. I blamed my parents for the reason I was here.

I was a child when my stepmother invited me to the Universal Church. I continued attending until I became a teenager.

When I was 12 years old my father died. It caused me great sadness because I felt completely alone, as if there was no one I could turn to.

To fill the emptiness inside me, I tried to distract myself with idols in the entertainment industry. I looked for validation through their songs and social media posts.

I tried to end my life several times. It came to the point where I made a plan and prepared a rope to use as a way to end my life. But with every attempt, I remembered what I had learned in church about heaven and hell.

I was suffering, burdened, and carrying the pain I had been trying to keep buried inside me. But I realized that God was able to give me the rest that I needed.

I wanted to have a new life. I let go of the things from the past, invested in reading the Word of God, and sought the Holy Spirit until I received God's assurance, comfort, and peace. He showed me that I am not alone or fatherless because I am His child.

The peace God gave me has remained with me until today. He filled the void in my heart and gave me the privilege of serving Him.

Now, my relationship with my family is not chaotic anymore. There is peace inside the house. I experienced the greatness of God inside me. That is also what I want to pass on to my family.

When I surrendered my old life on the Altar, God gave me a life that I never thought I would have.

— Xena Banda